- Life is hard even without a disability as you are aware. Having a progressing disability makes things even harder for me. How do I deal with it? I have learned throughout my 49 years of life to change my way of thinking when it comes to dealing with things that go on progressively with my FA. I can get mad, angry, or even depressed about what is happening to my body. So when I actually stop and think about how I am going to react to whatever the situation is things aren’t so bad when I change my way of thinking! About 25 years ago I dealt with the reality that I was going to need help eating sometimes. I so wanted to keep my independence for as long as I can while finding myself getting embarrassed to be seen at restaurants because I felt like everyone was staring.
- I am now full–assist and while things have gotten better throughout time things will always be hard ..several weeks ago I had some cubed ham pieces for a ham and cheese omelet. Even though I enjoyed it, the Ham In it made it chewy, taking me a long time to swallow. I always try to swallow food very good. (I am not a vegetarian, however I could be one. I love my fruits and vegetables do not eat much meat because it is tough to chew.) Anywho, I told Christina that I wish it wasn’t so hard to chew so she put it in my bullet to puree the ham. I immediately got sad and depressed I felt like “that is what my life has come to. “I did not want for Christina to see those things so I changed my way of thinking about it. When she brought me the omelet, it really did not change its taste. However, it did make it more enjoyable for me to chew! Thinking that if she needs to purée something again I am totally down for that!!
- Something else I learned in collage that blow me away was the 5 stages of grief Thanks to google.com for giving me this list. It is something that I deal with every single time I progress with my FA. From the 1st time I began to walk funny, use a wheelchair, get leg braces, vision issues, hearing issues, speech issues, etc. As you see from the etc. the list still continues, ugh. When I was younger I used to go through each stage before I could get to the acceptance stage. Because of my faith in God I am able to skip through some of the stages and go straight now to the acceptance stage! There are times though when I still go through them all.
- 1. Denial, numbness, and shock: Numbness is a normal reaction to a death or loss and should never be confused with “not caring.”
- 2. Bargaining: This stage of grief may be marked by persistent thoughts about what “could have been done” to prevent the death or loss.
- 3. Depression: In this stage, we begin to realize and feel the true extent of the death or loss.
- 4. Anger: This stage is common. It usually happens when we feel helpless and powerless. Anger can stem from a feeling of abandonment because of a death or loss.
- 5. Acceptance: In time, we can come to terms with all the emotions and feelings we experienced when the death or loss happened.
- There is nothing more that I would like then for God to take this disability from me. I know that my healing will come in his time, and not mine. So I just trust him! It is not always easy! There are some days that I get so frustrated and all I can do is scream. Feels good for the moment! I Know that God works all things together for my good (Romans 8:28). God is with me every step of the way, and gives me strength to go through it all!
- I hope that you can find your acceptance!
- Rolling on, Stephanie
Finding acceptance!
Rolling on... 
Hey Stephanie! Thank you for sharing your story again. I like that you included your experiences from the long ago past, recent past, current time, and even the future- The Lord will heal you in his timing. Amen. Thank you also for giving us the insight into how you feel and process some of your trials. You encouraged me today.
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I sure understand the stages of grief, which made me insight into how you feel and deal with your situation. I think I’d feel all those things and more if I were you, but you always have a sunny disposition to me! Love you! 🥰💕
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Thank you for the compliments! I know that even you have gone through the 5 stages with the stuff that you have just been going through and you always have had an amazing outlook about it even though you have been through so much pain. So thank you for showing me your deposition! I hope you have found that acceptance phase. I am so glad that you have God on your side!
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Excellent explanation, Steph! Having FA is such an emotionally challlenging dailly battle. Changing your thoughts sounds simple but in reality it is difficult. I have tried to do that too, and find success with that strategy. I admire you. Stay strong!
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